Day Sixteen

Today I am celebrating;

Being the way I am

(This photo is titled 'One in a Million' and the poem was inspired by it)

One in a Million

Tiny petals fall
s o f t l y
at His feet
gracing each step with a cloud of fragrance and colour.

Small beauties delicately placed
by no human hand
and felled

by simple wind.

God’s breath in each,
on each

and contained
by the smallest petal and
leaf and
s
t
a
l
k.

Day Fifteen

Today I am celebrating;

Preparedness

With three nieces and nephews on the way, and two already here, my role in the family feels somewhat diminished. Mainly because we haven't tried to carry on the family line yet. In fact, I find it quite the opposite. We're doing all in our power to not get pregnant. Not to say that we wouldn't like to, but with a move and three more years of school, it seems somewhat impractical. 

However, that also means we have time. Time to learn, to watch, to grow and become who we are meant to be. I've found I learn alot just watching. And with two pregnant sister-in-laws, and two nephews growing taller every day, there's a ton of watching from the sidelines, asking questions and learning going on. 

Plus, with the absence of a job, I've got time to prepare myself. I read my Bible more often, and in different ways. I am so in love with the stories in Genesis and Exodus, I sometimes find it difficult to read other parts. There's National Geographics to study- learning photography tips, how they shoot their photos, and re-evaluating what makes a good photo, different styles of writing, and tweaking my own before school starts. There's time to read, and just wander the library looking for my next adventure, whether it be classic, gothic, sci-fi or even one with a bit of romance in it. There's time to scrapbook, to cut and glue and make beautiful things out of ordinary things. I have time to relax, and watch movies I've wanted to see before, but couldn't because of lack of resources (who knew there were so many movies on YouTube?!), time or school. I have time to bake, to get my hands covered in sticky dough and see my husband smile when we walks into an apartment that smells as if it belongs in the country. And most recently, time to sew. A borrowed sewing machine, scraps of fabric from high school, and an empty table. My first seam was the most thrilling. I practically sang at the wonder of it. (*side note: aside from patches and a few hemming projects, I haven't sewn since highschool. There I created costumes, home things, and even clothes. I still have some of them. end note*)

I feel as if God is shaping me to be the woman He wants me to be. I'm growing spiritually, yes, but I'm learning to be a homemaker. Right now I'm a housewife. It's the only job I have right now. But I'm certainly beginning to enjoy it. I learned to bake bread, not with the help of a bread machine, to sew again, and even a little gardening. I'm in no way an expert, or even close to most of the women around the world and in the past that did this every day, all day, but it's a work in progress. I feel God moving in me, shaping me as a new woman. Preparing me for the future while teaching me who I am now. One day, when I am a mother of God's children. But for now, I am learning.

Day Fourteen

Technically it hasn't been only two weeks since I started writing. I also have a lost entry floating somewhere around my husband's computer. But it's a cool milestone.

Today I am celebrating;

Dreaming

One of my favourite 'blogs' (and I've mentioned it before) is called 'Heart to Heart with Holley.' Yesterday I read a post about dreaming, and how as we grow older it becomes more and more difficult to dream, mostly due to the blockers we put up around ourselves to keep us safe. The problem is, it's completely true. I'm still young. I've only been an adult for a few years, and married just under a year. I want to dream. I miss the days were I would just sit and dream. Now it seems as if there are so many things that get put in the way of dreaming. (I also include spending time with God in with dreaming, because I don't do enough of that either.)

The problem I find is that in our world dreaming takes so little precidence. Even when we do dream, I find so few people are willing to embrace eachother's dreams and celebrate with them. Maybe in part that's the reason behind this blog. I find too often we're unwilling to join eachother in celebration. I'm no less guilty than the rest. I crush my husband's dreams so often, just with a single cutting word, or a lack of interest. It's terrible, really.

I am gradating. I've spent four years working to finish my degree, and even though I'm not graduating as I had planned (but am as in God's plans), it's still an end. And as I should be, I am very excited. I've dreamed about this for so long, and soon I'll be crossing one more dream off my list. My SILs are all either pregnant, or already have a child (or both). Everyone is excited and celebrating and talk talk talking about babies babies babies. I am excited too. But my siblings are all younger then I am, and none of us are planning on having children any time soon. So I am excited for their celebrations. But my excitement wanes when noone stops to ask how my celebrations are coming. If I'm excited for the day, and showing off my home to my parents. How the packing is coming for our move to a new city, and more school. How my writing and photos have been coming as I practise in advance for three years of Journalism.

I'm still excited for them. And I love joining in on their celebrations. I just want them to join in with mine. Maybe we could all use a healthy dose of dreaming, and celebrating eachother's dreams.

Day Thirteen

Today I am celebrating:

Found Treasures

I am always amazed at just how excited we women get over dressing up, and planning for events. Of course there are the ever popular weddings, but just under that radar are grads. Now, I was never one for latest styles and primping for hours to make sure I looked perfect, but there's still a sense of excitement and intrigue about getting ready, planning your hair, accessories and finding just the perfect dress and shoes. We're women, we care about these things. That's why today, after wandering and coming up empty handed in Value Village and amazing sales associatecame up and asked if I needed help. Not only did she find the perfect bolero, she also found me- get this- a black crinolin. I'm so excited, I can't wait to try everything on together. Plus, I still get to wear my favourite colour (that would be black). Plus, who can say they actually got to wear their wedding dress again- outside their house!!

On the way home I was listening to the radio. Like most times, it's in the background, and while I may be singing or humming along, I'm not really listening. The, just like most times a line stood out to me; 'I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ.' Last night was rough for me. I felt like I didn't have much value, like I really wasn't sure where my life was going, or what I was to be doing, and as if I was just wasting my time pidling. When I heard this line, I felt God speaking to my heart and mind, answering my prayer and healing my wounds. When I looked up the lyrics, it got even better; 'When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere/ When I don’t measure up to much in this life/ Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ.' -Sanctus Real, Forgiven

I am a treasure. Like the man who found a treasure buried in a plot of land, and sold everything he had just to own it. "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." (Matthew 13:44) God gave everything up for us. Just like we do for Him. Finding treasures are amazing, but being a treasure of God is even more incredible.

Day Twelve

Today I am celebrating:

Beauty in Pain

Day Eleven

Today I am celebrating:

Women

Today is Mother's Day. All of my sister-in-laws are moms, or are at least going to be. Sometimes, feel slightly left out with all the moms and babies around me. I know I'm young, still in school and have stuff to do before we have kids, but sometimes the longing for a child brings me to tears. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE being an auntie. When my two-year-old nephew sits beside me and rests his hand in mine, or we walk through the door only to hear 'Auntie!' my heart melts. Or when my almost one-year-old nephew falls asleep in my arms or stops crying or fussing just because I made a silly face. But they're not mine. Sure, one day the tiny socks and cute onesies will fill the laundry and overflow the dresser, but for now, I just want that feeling, to hold a child close and know they're mine. I want sloppy wet kisses leaves marks on my cheeks and nose from my child. Well, God's but He's letting me borrow them for the time being.

I subscribe to a type of devotion, called 'Heart to Heart with Holley.' I read the email earlier last week, and it really touched me. What I missed the first time was a link to the rest of the article. I clicked it today and it was as if God was speaking to my heart. It mentioned that we are all mother because we instinctively are. 'I've come to believe all women are mothers because we all bring life to the world. Most often through the birth of physical children from our bodies. But in other ways too...when we write, cook, plant, make beauty where there was none, speak an encouraging word, say a prayer, take a hand and form hope out of thin air, resurrect a marriage, save a life from poverty, bring forth light and truth and goodness in ways women are uniquely created to do.' As I read I smiled. I write, I cook, I planted, water and bring my garden outside each day, I thought. I feed my fish, watched as he learned to swim to the surface and wait when I picked up his food container. I nurture, I reminiced. I taught, I cared for, I loved. I made a card for my mother-in-law, mom and three sister-in-laws to celebrate their motherhood. If that makes me a mother, I'll take it. One day, I hope, I'll be a mother to my own. Even if they really are only on loan.

(In)Courage: Eve's Daughters
http://www.incourage.me/2010/05/eves-daughters.html

Day Ten

Today I am celebrating:

God

Everytime I think I'm done, I have no strength and can't go on, everytime I try to give it to God and try to put it back in His hands,

He does something amazing.

He does something incredible, something so mindblowing and unexpected but hoped for, that a little strength is returned. Usually it's just enough to keep me going a couple more days, just enough to get me through and finish the next task He has set before me. And then there's more strength waiting.

On another note, through a series of God-inspired events, I found a letter written exactly one year and a day ago. In it were hopes and plans for the future, with only one month to go until our wedding. It was amazing to read it, and see so many of the things we had though about coming true. It's as if God was preparing us, a year ago, for today.

Day Nine

Today I am celebrating

Answered Prayers

My life right now has a few worries; how are we going to pay our bills, will I get a job, where are we going to live, what is school going to be like, ect. ect. ect.

So this morning I prayed, trying again to give things over to God. I asked that He would give me an occasion to help someone out today. I had plans with my sister-in-law, so my heart prayer was for her. Sure enough, God answered my prayer just as He was answering hers. She needed someone to help take care of Tim and her friend's daughter, I wanted someone to help.

God answers prayers in some of the most amazing ways!